Tuesday, May 27, 2008

T-minus 3 more days.....

3 more days of this week and then - dun dun duuuuuunnn --- I have to go back to work. I start back on Monday which still seems IMPOSSIBLE. It seems impossible that I have an almost 3 month old baby. It seems impossible that I will be physically able to leave my baby with strangers for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. It seems impossible that I will be able to do this whole thing without being TOTALLY un-stoked. SO I guess I will just do what I have to in order to get through it... It has to get better with time!

It really hit home today when we stopped by the Daycare Center to go over all the details and to get her acquainted with the teachers. It was nice to see everything again, but it's funny how now that I actually have a real baby and not just a "baby" in my belly - NOTHING is good enough. I want to bring her toys and blankets and everything she will need so she won't have to use stuff all these other kids play with... But that is crazy talk and I know I will get over it soon enough. I know that she will have fun playing with kids and everyone there seemed very happy...

I had all these things I wanted to do before my time off was over and it always seemed like I had 4 more weeks - but here were are - 3 days away and I have a TON of stuff to finish! I started a Baby Photo book that I wanted to have up to date before I went to work so I could easily add to it as she grew. I am not even done with the Pregnancy photos - let alone the 400 shots we took of her first month of life!!!!

I also wanted to get all my planters done and the backyard looking great. I have managed to buy 2 planters, but there is nothing in them or the other 8 planters for that matter.

I wanted to have a rummage sale - but even if I didn't actually have the sale before I went back, I wanted to at least have everything ready - priced and organized. HA! I have 2 giant piles of stuff in the garage and what seems like no hope to ever get that one done. I guess we will have a big weekend project on our hands!

Other than those things - I really wanted to just feel like I did everything I could with Elliette. We have of course done the Shopping outings, Lunch with friends and walks in the parks - but I guess I just wanted to feel like I had exhausted every last moment of this leave so I didn't regret anything. But here we are and I wish I had 3 more months to spend watching her learn and seeing her change every day. She is just becoming such a little person with a fun little personality to go with it. I love her to pieces and I hate to feel like I am missing anything.

I know I am making the right decision to go back to work, it's just going to be a huge adjustment - emotionally and physically. I have really been in an alter state of my life that is NOTHING like it was before. And now, I have to return to the old life but with a baby! It will be good to get back into a rhythm of getting up and going to work and learning how to get Elliette to the Daycare and me to work on time. I am sure the first few weeks will be interesting!

Other than all these emotions I am feeling - I LOVE being a Mom to such an amazing baby girl. She is my everything and I can't imagine not having her. What a gift she is to her Dad and I. We LOVE LOVE LOVE her!

1 comment:

jody said...

Good Luck tomorrow. And, when you feel awful, just remember that thousands of mothers do this everyday. And, it will get easier...